Yearning is an Ever-Present Gnaw, Rabbi Robbie Cahana

Love is a Lifeline: 

From the New York Times OpDoc by Kitra Cahana

Reproduced with permission of Kitra Cahana

Let me dream you into my reality

Longing is an ever-present gnaw

That begins inside under the belly button.

It begins physically, without imagination

But it wants to climb towards the heart.

Oh, my wife,

I belong to you.

I see the skinfold under your eyelids.

I want to be your sleep.

I’ve lived nine years in my bed.

My needs are endless since the stroke.

All the things that are simple are beyond me.

But there’s a holy way of asking for help.

And that’s what I’m learning to say.

I need you. I need your hands.  I need your reach.

I need you for comfort.

Holiness happens when the body feels loved.

You perfect the art of longing by knowing where your soul is intended to be.

I spend my time in Karen’s love.

I’m a newlywed.

The world is turning around us because we have found our center point.

I’m lost when I realize I’m here

And not in Karen’s arms.

Now the world is living in lockdown.

Distanced.  Separate.

Covid lurks invisibly.

I see my body withered, and I Know

I am susceptible to death.

I’m weak and weakening.

My bones protrude through my skin.

I don’t want to die.

I want to live, deeply.

So I travel though my imagination.

I remember myself unobstructed.

Unchastened.

Karen is my breath upwards. My gravity up.

I’m standing on an obelisk

Calling in the wind that I’m flying home.

My family. My soul’s reflection.

My triumph is waiting for me.

Such is longing perfected.

Longing is always future.

We can smile at the past

But longing is for the memory

You don’t have yet.

So I talk to my body

Hurry home. Arise. Walk out the door.

With so much love, I say

To each body part:  wake up. Come out of your slumber.

The world is waiting for you to

Dance again.